Once upon a time, a young girl sat in the backseat of her family’s Dodge caravan. She wore a pretty red dress with sparkles, and white tights, underneath a heavy winter coat. Her feet were tucked into winter snow boots. She hated that the boots did not go with her pretty outfit, but she hated being a bother or making anyone upset, so she wore the boots without arguing.
As she waited for the rest of the family to pile into the car, she stared at all of the snowflakes drifting down around her. A shiver ran down her spine, partially from the cold but more from the anticipation and excitement she was feeling. It was her favorite day of the year.
They were on their way to Christmas Eve service. Her mom was frustrated because they were running late, and her dad was struggling to drive quickly in the dangerous snow. When they arrived just a few minutes before the service began, there were hardly any seats left so they squeezed into a place in the back.
She listened to the bells ring, as she looked around at all the faces streaming into the church. She loved to look at the women in their pretty dresses and notice the young couples holding hands. She sang along to the beautiful songs that the choir was singing, while her dad held her in his arms. She didn't truly understand what the songs were about, but she loved them anyway, and she did her best to sing with all of her heart. During the sermon, she colored because she was too young to pay attention to what the pastor was saying. She went up to the altar with her parents while they took communion. She did not realize what communion was, but she liked it when the pastor placed his hand on her forehead and said, “God bless you and keep you.”
Her heart began to beat faster as they made their way back to their seats. This was the moment she had been waiting for. The lights dimmed and she climbed into her dad’s lap so that she could see better. The beautiful ladies in white glided around the room, their candles floating in the air. At that moment, they were angels, no matter what the rest of their lives looked like. She did her best not to blink during the candle dance because she did not want to miss a second of it. Her heart swelled with a sense of awe and wonder. This moment was the true meaning of Christmas. Her belief in Santa Claus was wavering with doubt, but the candle dance made her believe in magic of a different kind.
Today, that little girl did a Google search for another candlelight Christmas Eve service, but she knows that it won’t be the same. She wore a red sweater that was far too hot for the Florida weather, and she smiled as she picked out sandals to wear to the service, instead of boots. She looked at her Christmas tree scattered with collectible star ornaments that were the result of a tradition handed down from her great-aunt. They made her smile even though the rest of the house was a mess. She had not even taken the time to put the Christmas boxes away because no one else is going to see them anyway.
She still believes Christmas is magic, but she is a little older and a little wiser now. She is weighed down by the state of the world, with its constant anger and injustice. She is sad that she can’t spend Christmas with the people who matter most. Her heart breaks for the people who struggle to get through the holidays because, for them, it is the most difficult time of the year.
She does not feel the same wonder that she used to at this time of year. She has struggled to get into the Christmas spirit because she knows that she will be spending most of it alone. She misses the candles and the songs that used to fill her with awe almost as much as she misses the family she can't be with this year. She hopes that going to another candlelight service will bring back some of that magic, even if it is just for a moment.
My Christmas Message for You
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one this Christmas, I hope you find a way to honor their memory and feel their spirit with you.
If you are smiling through a party while your heart is a thousand miles away with a loved one who cannot come home, I hope that you will feel their love in every hug, and I hope you will keep smiling when you can.
If you are struggling to enjoy time with your family because you really wish that you had a family of your own, I hope that you find a way to step out and start traditions that matter to you.
If you are looking to the start of a new year and a new decade with anxiety or trepidation, I hope that your Christmas gift will be a sense of peace and courage.
If you are happy and filled with a sense of awe this Christmas, I hope that your sense of childlike faith continues throughout this next year.
No matter who you are or how you feel during the holidays, I hope you find a way to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. That different kind of magic that I used to sense as a child in the Christmas Eve service is the Spirit of the God who is with us. We celebrate at Christmas, even when it hurts because we are not alone. We are so incredibly loved by an amazing God who will do anything to be with us.
May Emmanuel come and cheer our spirits this year. Let the angel voices ring as God brings joy to the world. I pray that you can sleep in heavenly peace, thanks to Christ, our Savior, who is born. Merry Christmas.
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