Almost everyone has heard the statement that comparison is the thief of joy. I was surprised to learn that it was former President Teddy Roosevelt who said it. I want to think more about that statement today.
When we hear that comparison is the thief of joy, most of us think about losing our own joy. For example, you get a new car, and you feel so excited. But then you find out that your friend or neighbor also got a new car, and theirs is newer, better, faster than yours. That comparison stole the joy that you felt for your new vehicle.
We all compare ourselves to each other sometimes, and it is something that all of us have to continue working on, myself included. But I think there is another side to this whole issue that we have never stopped to consider.
Your comparison also steals the other person’s joy.
Let me tell you a story as an example, but I am going to change some of the details to protect some people that I care deeply about.
I accomplished a goal that I had been working on for several years. Let’s pretend that I graduated from college as a substitute for this goal I accomplished. That first week after graduating from college, I felt incredible, like I was on top of the world. It felt so good to see the fruits of my labor, and I felt excited about the opportunities that might open up for me as a result of my new degree.
I showed a friend my diploma because I wanted to share my happiness with her. But, her response was not what I expected. Instead of being proud of me and excited for me, she compared herself to me. She said, “well, now I feel bad about myself because I have not graduated from college.”
All of my joy and excitement dissipated at that moment. I immediately tried to make her feel better about her own accomplishments and diminished mine because I did not want her to feel insecure about herself.
As I thought about that moment, later that day, I became frustrated. My friend is the one who chose to compare herself to me, and yet I was the one who lost all of that joy that I had been feeling. Her comparison did not even make sense because she does not have the same goals that I have. Why would she be comparing herself to my graduation when she is not even in college? Why does my accomplishment make her feel bad about her own when she is focused on accomplishing other goals?
It took me several days to recover from that moment, and it was not easy. I decided that I still have a reason to be joyful and proud of myself. It is not my fault that my friend chose to compare herself to me, but I refuse to let her comparison steal my joy.
At the end of the day, we all have to be responsible for our own emotions. I cannot make someone feel a certain way, and at this moment, I chose to allow her statement to change the way I felt. But, we are affected by each other. If I have an opportunity to change something about my own thought process so that it does not affect someone else, I want to take that opportunity.
The next time that you are tempted to compare yourself or your journey to someone else’s, take a moment to consider how your comparison might affect their joy, as well as your own. Celebrate with your friends and family, instead of allowing insecurity to ruin the moment for everyone.
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